Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I AM ALL ABOUT TEAM MINDY


The word prompt this week is: Selfie.

I actually like taking pictures of myself.  I know that is totally odd.  I am normally the one behind the camera.  Cell phones changed all of that.  I take them all the time.  I tend to only be pleased with the ones in which I am wearing a hat or my sunglasses. I also LOVE picmonkey to alter and *fix* my pictures.  I always *touch up* my pictures.

                                                   Cell phone pic.  Only cropped no other retouches. 
The older I get, the more I have come to love my body.  Oh, don't get me wrong!  I can rattle off my *faults* in a heart beat.  See that line between my eyes?  OMG you cannot see it?!?!?  It has been there for years. In my mind you could lay a pencil in it.   It's the first thing I see when I look at myself.  I also hate my teeth, my boobs and how my nails look naturally.

But in my later 40's I have come to learn to be at peace with my body.  It has really served me well.  I have had only one real health scare.  It has birthed two babies.  No broken bones.  10 fingers 10 toes.

I have also learned to love my life.  I have touched on it before.....I was always afraid.  Also thinking some clown was going to jump out from behind the door.  A few years ago I thought *f that*.  I started working on my bucket list.  I started learning how to face my fears.  I learned  to sleep without a cover.  AAhhh...well you can strike that last one.  Everyone knows that if you have a cover on you, nothing can get you while you sleep.  

In June I realized, I am not scared anymore.  

So here I am, rockin' and rolling.  Checking things off my bucket list.  Growing....moving forward.

I have always thought that I am my own worst enemy.  And I thought I had conquered Mindy.

Then I got a phone call this morning.

~ INSERT EERILY FAMILIAR CALM AND YET A TINY OUT OF TUNE THEME MUSIC RIGHT HERE.  JUST ENOUGH TO MAKE THE HAIR STAND UP ON YOUR ARMS~

She used her sweet voice.  The one that sounds like *oh yes I would LOVE to make the cookies for the bake sale thank you SO MUCH for calling me* voice.

" I don't mean this rude.  I don't mean this in a manipulative way.  I don't mean this cruelly but,I don't like the person you have become. I do not like that you are not a sweet caring person anymore.  You have pushed everyone away and no one likes who you have become.  You are trying to reinvent yourself and do things and you do not have to do that.  You are just fine the way that you are. "

         I DON'T LIKE THE PERSON YOU HAVE BECOME.

I calmly told her fine and thank you for your thoughts and hung up the phone.  I was so stunned that I did not even try to argue or defend myself.  There was no reason to.  It would not have mattered. 

I have heard it all before.  She has said different versions of the words as I grew up. " I am so disappointed in you.  You are too fat.  You are  too skinny.  I liked you better fat...you were at least nice then.  I hate that you are not sweet like you were in high school." 

*Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.*

Bullshit.  I would rather see the bruises on the outside.  People do not think they hurt you if they cannot see the bruises.  Words are SO.DAMN.POWERFUL.

I am secure in myself.  I think that is the very first time that I have ever fully realized that.

So I say all of that to say this.....
                                           Infamous bathroom pic.  No retouching...lol...as if you cannot tell.
I refuse to change who or what I am to suit someones idea of beauty anymore.  That means outer or inner beauty.  You are either in my life or out.

And I am fine with either choice that you make.



...those words did wound me....but those words are not mine to hold.

12 comments:

  1. I love knowing this about you. It gives me courage and hope as I fight my own battles with self-love. Rock on, dear sister!

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  2. THAT'S RIGHT. You go girl, and pray that your friendly "friend" might learn the same about herself one day.

    You're beautiful, really. I like you just fine.

    But that shouldn't really matter either.

    :-)

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  3. I love you, unconditionally. And I love that you love you. Interestingly enough, how did said caller know that... this person you "have become" is not the real you... which is more likely to be true, than the "before" person..... who acted out of fear.... and many other reasons.
    And yes, words wound deeply... and it doesn't take much... people who want to hurt us know where we are most vulnerable and go for the tender underbelly... They hurt yes, but you're right, we don't own those words.. they do. And THEY don't matter... I'm with you... if you don't like, move along.. because they are many who love you.. just the way you are...
    People who love us, really... love us at our worst.. not at our best so much... but they have seen the dark side of us.. and they love us regardless. that's love... And Mindy, I looked and I didn't see any dang line ... so there!

    And you take the best pics of your self and I need pic monkey so I can erase my fine lines of aging...
    I love you and you will always be a Princess to me. More importantly, you love you... I love that even more.

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  4. Anonymous5:51 PM

    I didn't know you in high school, but you should be glad that you aren't the same. After all we go through in our lives, I think it would be sad to look back and see that you had not changed any. We are continuously growing and changing, once we stop we are no longer living. I personally think you are wonderful, but then I think that I am wonderful too, so that may not be saying much. Haha. You just keep doing you.
    Frankie

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  5. The nerve. THE NERVE. You are awesome. Be glad you do not have to wake up tomorrow and be the kind of person who makes phone calls like that.

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  6. Well I L-O-V-E the person you are/have been will be.

    You are real. And I love that. Makes me work at stopping the bs myself.

    <3

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  7. You rock so hard! I love who you are and who you are becoming. That is an ill person to talk to you like that. This is why the term "families of choice" was coined. I am proud to be your sister.

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  8. I'm glad I'm not the same person since high school - I had a lot of growing up to do. Too bad the other person hasn't realized they have some growing up to do. I think your next tattoo needs to be a heart with an M right in the middle. Go Team Mindy!

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  9. You are exactly who you need to be. So glad you know that. Fruits of a journey, eh? Glad to know you.

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  10. fabulous -just like you
    you are so real :)-it's such a blessing. I love who you are andwho you are becoming.So there!

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  11. Thank you. Love love, Andrew. Bye.

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  12. i wish i could be your family relative so that i can get more knowledge from your experiences. you explain it very beautifully. i glad to know about you :-)

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I am a girl who LOVES attention. Comment + attention = happy Mindy!