Regrets, I've had a few; But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do And saw it through without exception.
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew When I bit off more than I could chew. But through it all, when there was doubt,
I did it my way". ~Frank Sinatra
I am who I am because of my choices and the choices of those around me (*spits* damned free will) have made me who I am today. There are a lot of times along the way that I have stumbled and fallen flat on my face. For those of you who really know me, I am pretty damned okay with who, what and where I am. Now, I tend to think of myself as THE last piece of pie. So, when I got to thinking about what regrets in my life I might have....it was not easy. Sure we all have those silly little regrets like bad clothing choices (I had an awesome pair of MC Hammer pants that I wore when I was pregnant with Cade...glad that there are no pics!), hair styles and bad dates (he had a black shirt on with food stains down the front...and told me that he was going to convert me to the Church of Christ before the end of the date....why oh why did I even get in the car. And no, still not Church of Christ).
1) Not letting my grandmother teach me how to sew. I love it now even though I do not sit down and do enough of it. The sounds of the machine, the feel of the fabric and removing Diesel from where I am cutting feels like therapy to me. Maw's scissors holders hang on my wall and now hold my scissors. I have a piece of green velvety fabric that I use off of every once in awhile. I love to put little pieces of her into things. I think that she would like to see that I am sewing now.
2) Hanging on to people for too long. I get a picture of how things are SUPPOSED to be in my head and hang on to people long after I should have let them go. I see people for who and what they are capable of....not who they are in real life sometimes. I have come to realize that some people really are just in your life for a season. Either for your sake or for theirs. Letting them go can be beneficial for both of you. There are lessons to learn and lessons are not a bad thing. That was really hard for me to learn because I can become addicted to people.
3) Not writing more. I sucked at the 31 days thing. I tend to get discouraged when people do not hit that like button or comment. Plus, I got to feeling like it was a throwing my blog in your face kind of thing every day. I did not like that. I lose site of the fact that my blog truly is for me...just me. Anyone that comes along is just gravy. Writing really does help me sort things out and I need to just make a point to write more often. Might I say that my sister group stuck with me and I am thankful for that. *waves at the tribe*
4) Being afraid for so long. I know it is hard for some of you to believe but, I was once VERY shy and afraid. The Mindy you see now did not even exist in the mind of 16, 21 or even 31 year old Mindy. I can look back and see that I have wasted a whole lot of time in being fearful and ashamed. I let a lot of people talk me in to things and control my life due to fear. There was nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. But, once those things attach to you, they become like those *friends* in school that liked you and let them sit with you only because you had the good things in your lunch box. Sure, not a lot of women can say they married the same man two different times and be proud of it but....those two times brought about the great things that I have ever accomplished. I even thing I kinda rocked being a single parent. Not to say I did not make my mistakes but....we all turned out just fine. No ax murders in our gang of three. Or, they are good enough at it that they have never been caught. I do hate that my children remember that mom who was scared. I still have some fear but now I see it as a more healthy fear.
5) Not traveling more before now. Man, you give me a plane ticket and I am so out of here! I regret not having that spirit when I was younger. I recognize it now and I am going to take every opportunity to see the big wide world and meet so many people that I already care for and love. I even love that I have totally stopped packing in a bag big enough to hide a body in! My little carry on and me are great friends. It's wheels and I have been in several airports and plan on being in several more. My regret with that is that I have not picked up a City themed coffee cup in each one. But I am certainly going to start. I think I need a gofundme account for traveling. HA!
6) My latest regret.....Not riding the roller coaster at New York New York. I was going to do it on my birthday. I mean...what a flipping awesome way to start out my 52nd year right?!?!!? Talked about it for days....watched it! Sent a post cards to my boys telling them I did it. But....I didn't. We decided to ride it at night. Prefect right?!?!?!? Watched people get off of it and noticed that they did not die. I chicken out in line. Flat ass chicken out and bolted. I have regretted it every day since. I am the girl with the *So she did* tat....not the so she didn't. So, I have to go back to Vegas and not die on the roller coaster at New York New York. I hope that there are pictures cause I am sure going to post them. Or have Camille post them if I die. *winks*