Monday, November 16, 2015

Day 16: Pennies, Breasts and Meds

Two years ago today, I was in Washington.  Last year today, it was snowing.  Today, I found out that I am going to live.

It's kind of a long choppy story.....bear with me (at first I wrote bare with me.....I realize that was a totally different thing!)  because I need to write it down so I remember.

I had a breast reduction on 9/29/15.  Nobody knew, at the time, that the surgery was bigger than what we knew. 

*The morning of the surgery....a penny flew out of my dryer.  The dryer was bought used a few months ago.  The penny was in the innards. was inside the dryer guts and came out when I pulled out the filter.   It came out all shiny silver around the edges due to it being stuck in there.  No telling how many times the drum tumbled around and around wearing on it. 

 Camille, bless her little heart, took me for surgery and stayed overnight with me. I am thinking that the tribe all called NOT IT and Camille was last.   Anywhoooo.....    The anesthesiologist got ready to put a shot in my IV.  She said it was like a liquid margarita.  I thought *how strange!   I thought all margaritas were liquid.*  Those were my last thoughts until I was at the hotel.  

Camille assures me I high fived and proclaimed my love for everyone while they were wheeling  me down the hall.  I plead the fifth.

The surgery went great!  They took off 2 pounds from each breast.  My back problems disappeared over night.  

*That night, I found a penny by my bed.  

I had a visit with my surgeon the next morning and was cleared to go home with an appointment to come in on October 6th for my one week check up.  I was told I would just see a nurse.  The only problem I have with his office is everyone weighs like 105lbs and are cute and perky.  Even when they wear gray, they look bright and adorable.  The first time I was there, their little gray cover your bits robe did not contain me.     I went happily on my way....I had a wedding to get ready for on the 10th!  On Monday, the doctor's office called and rescheduled my appointment to October 7th.  I'm problemo!  I will be there.

On the 7th I go in and his assistant takes out 14 stitches on both sides.  Then she tells me that the doc will come in and see if she missed any.  Well,  in walks my surgeon.  Y'all would love him.  He is like 17 years old and wears seersucker suits  and glass cuff links that I am sure cost more than my little Honda fit.  He finds one more on each side for a total of 30.  (Sue...I have not forgotten you!  There is still a prize in the works.)  He says....Let's talk.

Me in my head:  *on no no no...that does not sound like a you won a trip to disney land talk.  I thought about hopping off the table and running eat bread sticks at Fazolis.  However, my balance was still sucking at this point and I did not think my hopping off of anything would end well.)   *blink* *blink* *blink*

Him:  We did biopsies on the tissue removed from your breast.  The right is just great!  But...the left...

Me in my head:  *DAMMIT the left has always tried to get me* (ie lump removed 10 years ago and biopsy earlier this year...dead fat.  There is a fancy word for it but I looked it up...dead fat.  Just me being glamorous.) 

Him:  *I have never ever seen this before.  The mass removed from your left breast contained several per-cancerous cells.  This type of cancer cells would have never shown up in a mammogram.  (Side note....I am vigilant about getting mammograms every year.)  The timing of this is incredible.  If you have not had a breast reduction, this would have spread.  By the time you suspected you had any problems, it would have been too late.  This reduction honestly saved your life.  I am getting you an appointment with an oncologist.  I do not know what he will do.  He may feel the need to go in and remove more, he may run test or he might simply but you on meds.  No matter what happens....know that this surgery saved your life.

I told y'all they were trying to kill me.

I left his office in a daze.  It is 3 days before Cade and Katie's wedding.  I do not want to drop this on everyone and that just be a haze over the wedding.  So, I sat in my car.  I called Camille.  I cried out to part of my tribe. And then...I kept my mouth shut.

LOL people think that I tell everything all the time.  Trust me, I can be quiet.  

I cried coming home.  In my brain, I begin to figure out what I would want my children (Camille, Cade and Katie) and my grandchildren (Joey, Jarrod, Vinny and Paisley) to know if I died...what did I need to teach them.

Then I thought....screw that. I have too much left to do.

After the wedding, I told Cade and Katie.  I eventually told my mom.  THAT went MUCH better than expected.  

My tribe stopped my free fall and held on to me until I could stand steady on my feet again and wear real bras.

For reals, I had lousy balance for awhile.  Those 4 pounds threw everything off. 

I went to see the Oncologist.  His first words were *you don't have cancer*.  I instantly liked the man.  He told me that it was per-cancerous cells  and how the surgery saved my life and how he was going to order an MRI and put me on Tamoxifen and watch me closely.

I just grinned goofily and listened to Ellen DeGenesas singing in my head *you don't have don't have cancer*.  

She was wearing argyle socks.

Last Monday, I had a breast MRI.  I laid on my tummy and my breast stuck through little especially designed holes.  Seriously, the male tech started to tell me how to lay and then realized it was all self explanatory.  I had headphones that blasted the oldies and there was a mirror under me so that I could see him.  That was freaking awesome!  I did not panic, freak out or bite anyone.  The only time my anxiety almost got the better of me was when I watched the tech, another woman dressed like him and a man in scrubs, scrutinize one of the screens for a long time.   They would point at something and talk. I had to stop looking at them.

I closed my eyes and pretended that their food list for their Thanksgiving party was just posted and they were discussing what they were going to sign up for and who they were going to bring.

Yes Siree amazed by my big brain.  It can turn on a dime.

Today I could not stand it anylonger and called to see if they had the results yet.  

There are no cancer cells in either breast.  I am to continue to take my Tamoxifen and see my oncologist in 3 months.

Sweet little 8 pound baby Jesus in the manger.    Thank you.  

So, two years ago today, I was in Washington...a state that I love.  One year ago today, it was snowing....I do so long the snow.  Today I found out I am going to live.......I love how that sounds.

I intend to make it count.

*When I need help and/or encouragement, my daddy leaves me pennies.  They pop up at the oddest times and in the most random places. 

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Dear 16 Year Old Mindy

Dear 16 year old Mindy,

One of these days, you will be 52 years old.  I know that sounds ancient to you.  Trust me, it is NOT.  Sit still and listen.  Really listen.  

Girl, stop trying to hide your boobs.  No one is looking at them the way that you think that they are.  Well, some people are but it is a good thing.

Stop being so shy.  They like you.  They really do.  You just do not understand that because you are so insecure.  You are going to lose that one day.  You won't realize that it is gone all of the sudden.  It will be a really slow thing.  It will be both good and terrifying all at the same time.  Just keep breathing and moving forward.

Pay attention in Speech and Drama class.  I know you already love them but pay attention.  Those 2 classes are going to teach you what you really need to know about your future job and how to act in life.  They will teach you more than you will ever learn in high school or college.

You are going to get a scholarship to go to college.  You won't go.  I guess some people would tell you to just go to college right out of high school.  They don't know about the ~whispers~ baby.    I won't tell you that.  It might have worked out wonderfully well but it would change so much of what you have now.   You will eventually go to college.  You won't be a speech and drama teacher like you think you are going to be.  Though, you do have the shape for it.  You will go back to college and you will love it.  You will find a career in criminal justice that you will think was made just for you.  You will eventually teach.  You will love it more than you could ever think possible.

You are going to marry him 2 times.  Poor Silly girl.  He will divorce you 2 times.  You will think you are going to die and never be happy again.  ~laffin~  You will be so surprised when you learn differently.  You will get 2 amazing children out of those marriages.  Even though you will go through a whole lot of heartache because of your choices with him, you will come to realize that it was alright and you would not change it if that meant you did not have the two people that know what your heart sounds like from the inside.  There will come a time when you have no feelings for him.  Not even bad ones.  That will be good for you.  That will be sad for him.

You will learn more about yourself in your 40's and 50's than you ever did up until that time.   You will meet amazing people who will stay with you for the entire adventure.  You will also meet people who will be there with you for just a season.  That hurts your heart and always has.  You want to hang on to people.  You will need to learn to let go sweetie.  I promise you, it will be fine.  Not saying it will not hurt...I am saying it will be alright.

You will find your tribe.  Some of those people will hug you physically when you need it.  Some will have to do it though the internet.  They will have your back no matter what.  They will also be the first to chastise you when you are wrong.  You will love and trust those people so much. 

I FORGOT!  You don't know what the internet is!  You will LOVE it!  Oh my gawd girl, you will so love it.  It will open up so many opportunities and windows for you.

You will learn to crave adventure and travel.  You will go to places and meet people who you would have never in a million years met.  You will not have a kidney harvested and sold on the black market.  I wish....I wish so much that you would get the opportunity to do that sooner in life.  Keep your eyes open sweet girl.  Get a good suitcase, book and backpack and hop on a plane the first opportunity you get. 

Someone is going to come along and make you face who you really are.  It's okay.  Just remember, that person is a *for a season* person.  Be thankful for those people and allow them to go in peace.  It will change your life. 

Your daddy is going to get sick. If that is not bad enough, he is going to die unexpectedly.  You won't be ready.  I don't know how to prepare you for it either.  He will leave little pieces of himself behind and you will catch them out of the corner of your eyes sometimes.  I will tell you this:  This summer, at 16 years of age, daddy will drive you around on the country roads of Donley County on the back of that old little motorcycle that he tinkers with.  I believe it is an Indian.  You will wear shorts and get the tops of your legs sunburned.  The wind will blow your hair and you will smell his tobacco.  You will hold on tight to his waist and y'all will just drive you around for hours. It will be glorious. So much so that you will remember it years later.

I promise you life is so much bigger than what you know right now.  Collect pieces of people.  Be thankful.  Drive with the windows down.  Be kind.  Stop being afraid.  Start over.  Write more things down.  Get a breast reduction.  Never apologize for who you are. Love even when it is hard or hurts.  And hang on sweet girl, you are in for one hell of a ride.

...Needs some kick ass theme music

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Love, Compassion, Kindness and Crankypants.....

 I posted this to my facebook on Tuesday.  I intended it to be a positive push to do good.  Anything that I put on facebook in that vein is aimed at me.  Anyone else that it touches is just gravy.  I use the word *touches* in a good way and not in a *rub your fur the wrong way with both hands until electricity shoots  out of both your ears* kind of way.  Boy, was I off.  I ended up taking the entire post down, not only because of the comments but because of the private messages I was getting.  It is like people either do not really know me or were looking for things to be contrary about.   To be fair, there was way more positive than there was negative.  If you know me you know....Mindy does not like negative or controversy. 

I get enough of that in the real world without picking it up and shaking it.  I know better than to pick up snakes.

Three main issues came up.  #1 It's not true.  #2 Luck plays a big deal in all of it and #3 That is all about karma and we don't need that because of Jesus and grace.   I had some things to say on these 3 subjects so I wanted to address all of that here. 

#1 It's not true.  I believe it is.  I have lived it.  Now, something we pour our love, compassion, kindness and faith into the wrong people.  That hurts.  Especially when we KNOW not to but do it anyway.  Good will still come just might not be from where we expected it.  I poured all of that into my ex (one of the things I rarely talk about lol!) and just knew that those would be appreciated and come back.  They didn't.  Instead, he poured something else into someone else and TADA a baby happened!  I was devastated.  I got angry at God and told him about it.  Today, I look back and see that him coming back would have been the worst thing in the world for myself and my children.  I got good 1000 x's back AND dodged a bullet.  So, I got good back but from unexpected places.  I also believe that if we are doing those things in a manipulative will never work.  We do not do good to get good FROM WHAT WE WANT.  We throw good out on the water knowing that, eventually it comes back to us.

#2 Luck plays a big place in it all and that there are people in other countries that do the right thing and still do not get good.  Okay, I cannot argue with that.  I can reiterate that I totally meant this on a personal level.  I do realize being born white and in the US has had a lot of advantages.  I have also worked really hard to get to where I am.  Again...personal level. My little piece of the pond.

#3  That is all about karma and we don't need that because of Jesus and grace.  Well alrighty, let's go there.  I am a Christian.  I am a Christian who has friends of all different beliefs and non-beliefs.  They love me and I love them.  I am also a Christian who is currently disillusioned with most organized religion because of how a whole lot of *christians* act.  Yes, I am so glad that I am saved by grace and have to do nothing else.  Nothing!   westboro baptist church also believes the very same thing!  Don't kid yourself, when the word Christian is used, the majority of people think of wbc or people who want to oppress others.  So, if I as a Christian think that all I SHOULD do is throw a ichthus onto my back bumper and wait for the rapture...then something is so very wrong with me and I think it grieves my Maker. We are called upon to have love, compassion, kindness and faith  each.  When we do those things...good will happen. One upon a time, a young man told me that I *did not act like a christian* and it blew my mind and changed forever how I processed Christianity in my own head.  He had been gay for as long as he could remember.  When he was little, he would dress in his sister's clothes.  His mom, what was a christian and took him to church every time the door was open, tried to *beat the gay out of him* with electrical cords while quoting bible verses to him.  That was his earliest memory and he thinks that he was around 4.  Real Christians have a whole lot of making up to those *christians* that have come before us and have caused so much damage.

 I want to live my life in a way so that people look at me and think *what is it that she has.....I want that*.  I do not want people to think that I love a magical Jesus in a lamp that I rub and he makes all my wishes come true.  Because, that is just not how it works and...that makes for a very tiny Jesus.

I try to use facebook and my blog (those 6 times I post a year) in a fun positive way.  I really do try to make the world a better place.  Every once in a while I will dip into my depression issues or get snarky about having a bad day.  But, all in all, I do try to use it for good and not for evil.  If I wanted controversy I would talk about:  gun rights (for...but I am not dumb enough to tote mine into target or any store), death penalty (for), abortions (against and for), gays (for), straights (for), Obama (meh), breastfeeding (for but not when the kid is old enough to ask for it), breastfeeding in public ('s just a boob for goodness sake), women's rights (for), marriage equality (for..and do NOT say that it is a Christian thing because we let EVERYONE else get married),  spay and neutering (FOR!!!), assisted suicide (for), lottery (against),  RAKs (for), animal testing (against), spanking (did it),  sports player's  pay (WAY too much), teacher's pay (we cannot pay them enough), Palin (against), Clinton (against), SNL (WAY better in the 80's and 90's), marijuana (against except for honest to goodness medical situations), immigration (wow, this one is tough.  We created a horrible problem in Mexico...we need to fix it.  Not sure how we need to do that.  I know people that should without a doubt be deported.  I also know others that have been a bonus to this country that should not be deported.  If it happens in another country we call them our county we call them illegal aliens), welfare (for but oh how I would over haul the system and YES I can talk about it cause I received it once upon a time) and drug testing for welfare recipients (for....I know that there are lots of people out there on welfare that are not on drugs.  I also know that there is a large population of people that get benefits that are. I have no problem being drug tested at my job where I receive a paycheck) periods (I am so ready to be over THAT), sex education (oh HELL YES...I personally think that, a right of passage at age 13, males and females get inoculated with some sort of birth control), daylight savings time (against), proof reading (against  LOL)  and vaccinations (For! Polio....ain't no body got time for that).

Any thing else you want to know? 

...or hell, maybe I was just hormonal and y'all did not mean a thing by it ~grins~

Saturday, February 07, 2015


If you are any where close to being my friend, you know that I am allergic to exercise.  ick  I was never good in PE.  I was always one of *those kids* where was picked last for dodge ball.  However, I was always called over first for Red Rover. 

 Red Rover Red Rover let Mindy come over....BLAMO...clothes lined.

I am also a slow learner.  ~winks~
                                                 Molly is not impressed by my athletic endeavors.  
 This year I am working on shining and taking care of myself.  So, I am walking.  Not fast....but walking.  I would be the tortoise in the story.  So February is here and I put on my fabulous kicks that Kim got me for Christmas year before last and off I go.  Seriously, these are the most amazing shoes that I have ever owned.  I have also enhanced their bedazzled selves with adding wings that I got in Vegas.

I am sure I am quite the sight on the walking trail.  

So here I go, MAKING myself start out on the trail.  I turn on the walking app on my phone and throw my sunglasses on.  Muttering under my breath all the time.  I had barely gotten started when I happened to look down on the trail and, LO AND BEHOLD, there is a heart rock.

All of you know about my love of all things heart rocks.  Several of you have sent me rocks from all over.  I was lucky enough to find my first at the Pacific Ocean.  But, never EVER have I found one in Plainview Texas.  

I did not slow down.  I just swooped it up and plopped it into my pocket. That tiny little rock changed my attitude about that walk.  I looked at it as a good omen.  There were good things ahead of me so....forward I went.  I stopped looking at the ground, put a smile on my face and kept that little rock in my pocket.  Occasionally I would put my hand in my pocket and put that rock into my palm.  
I think I can....I think I can....I think I can.....
 Walk I did.  That first day I did a little over 2 and 1/2 miles.  Big for my standards.  I got into my car and had to wait a few minutes until I could feel my legs again so that I could work the clutch.

Why yes, I do drive a standard.  ~grins~

So, anyway, I am sitting there trying to feel my legs and think....oh!  I will post a picture of the heart rock!!  I take off my sunglasses, pull the rock out of my pocket and see that my good inspiration..... 

is a piece of children's heart shaped cereal snack.

                                                    *BLINK BLINK BLINK*

Well,  of course it is.

I sat there all sweaty and not feeling body parts and just laughed at myself.  I was getting my inspiration from carbs.

Then I think, I have GOT to blog about this!  Brought my heart rock cereal snack home and put it on my dresser to get a good picture.  I turn around to get my camera and 


Diseal ATE my inspiration. 

                                        shame.  That's how he rolls.

..........Whose hates excercise but does not mind laughing at herself.

Saturday, January 31, 2015


I am not big on resolutions anymore.  I am, however, big on goals and themes.  The theme for 2015 is Shine.  I am not exactly how I am going to do that but I bet I figure it out. 

I decided to keep my goals open even though some of them are fairly large for me.  I am going to need your help for some of them.
This year I will: blog, travel (I see Washington, Canada, New Mexico and San Antonio in my future), lose weight ( I by no means want to be stick skinny, just healthy) , breast reduction (I am tired of my back hurting all of the time and think that the Russian Peasant Woman look is so 2014)  organize room by room, finally make my studio real and....shine.


*Eat healthier:  I have done better with this.   I am working on eating according to my blood type.  It is more of a paleo kind of thing.  You know my love affair with bacon so this is not really hard for me.   Win

*Answer and return phone calls.  One a scale of 1 to 100, I love bacon at a 110 and answering the phone at a -13.  I have gotten WAY better at this!  I would still rather you text me or send me a message on facebook.  ~grins~ Win

*Clean out the man cave.  This one will not get finished this month.  It is about halfway done.  GGGGRRRRR   I have a big ass couch in there I am going to set free but cannot until someone can come and get it.  Give me another week.     Man Cave---semi fail

*Blog 2 times a month.  ~snorts~  Well, here it is the LAST day of the month and this is my FIRST blog post so....yeah...        Fail

*Mail something at least once a week.  THIS I am good at!  I have mailed out more than once a week and plan on getting better and better.  WIN WIN!

I do not know if it is this way for everyone but, the older I get, the more I want to do.... The more I want to taste.   I also know that no one is going to spoon feed me.
 Molly is not impressed by any stinking list....just turn out the dang light and go nite nite.

 .....this little light of know you know

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Even A Princess Has A Few Hiccups

 Regrets, I've had a few;  But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do  And saw it through without exception. 

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew  When I bit off more than I could chew.  But through it all, when there was doubt,

                     I did it my way".  ~Frank Sinatra

I am who I am because of my choices and the choices of those around me (*spits* damned free will) have made me who I am today. There are a lot of times along the way that I have stumbled and fallen flat on my face.   For those of you who really know me, I am pretty damned okay with who, what and where I am. Now,  I tend to think of myself as THE last piece of pie.  So, when I got to thinking about what regrets in my life I might was not easy.  Sure we all have those silly little regrets like bad clothing choices (I had an awesome pair of MC Hammer pants that I wore when I was pregnant with Cade...glad that there are no pics!), hair styles and bad dates (he had a black shirt on with food stains down the front...and told me that he was going to convert me to the Church of Christ before the end of the date....why oh why did I even get in the car.  And no, still not Church of Christ).

1) Not letting my grandmother teach me how to sew.  I love it now even though I do not sit down and do enough of it.  The sounds of the machine, the feel of the fabric and removing Diesel from where I am cutting feels like therapy to me.  Maw's scissors holders hang on my wall and now hold my scissors.  I have a piece of green velvety fabric that I use off of every once in awhile.  I love to put little pieces of her into things.  I think that she would like to see that I am sewing now.

2)  Hanging on to people for too long.  I get a picture of how things are SUPPOSED to be in my head and hang on to people long after I should have let them go.  I see people for who and what they are capable of....not who they are in real life sometimes.  I have come to realize that some people really are just in your life for a season.  Either for your sake or for theirs.  Letting them go can be beneficial for both of you.  There are lessons to learn and lessons are not a bad thing.  That was really hard for me to learn because I can become addicted to people.

3)  Not writing more.  I sucked at the 31 days thing.  I tend to get discouraged when people do not hit that like button or comment.  Plus, I got to feeling like it was a throwing my blog in your face kind of thing every day.  I did not like that.   I lose site of the fact that my blog truly is for me...just me.  Anyone that comes along is just gravy.  Writing really does help me sort things out and I need to just make a point to write more often.  Might I say that my sister group stuck with me and I am thankful for that.  *waves at the tribe*

4)  Being afraid for so long.  I know it is hard for some of you to believe but, I was once VERY shy and afraid.  The Mindy you see now did not even exist in the mind of 16, 21 or even 31 year old Mindy.  I can look back and see that I have wasted a whole lot of time in being fearful and ashamed.  I let a lot of people talk me in to things and control my life due to fear.  There was nothing to be ashamed or afraid of.  But, once those things attach to you, they become like those *friends* in school that liked you and let them sit with you only because you had the good things in your lunch box.  Sure, not a lot of women can say they married the same man two different times and be proud of it but....those two times brought about the great things that I have ever accomplished.  I even thing I kinda rocked being a single parent.  Not to say I did not make my mistakes but....we all turned out just fine.  No ax murders in our gang of three.  Or, they are good enough at it that they have never been caught.  I do hate that my children remember that mom who was scared.  I still have some fear but now I see it as a more healthy fear.

5)  Not traveling more before now.  Man, you give me a plane ticket and I am so out of here!  I regret not having that spirit when I was younger.  I recognize it now and I am going to take every opportunity to see the big wide world and meet so many people that I already care for and love.  I even love that I have totally stopped packing in a bag big enough to hide a body in!  My little carry on and me are great friends.  It's wheels and I have been in several airports and plan on being in several more.  My regret with that is that I have not picked up a City themed coffee cup in each one.  But I am certainly going to start.  I think I need a gofundme account for traveling.  HA!

6)  My latest regret.....Not riding the roller coaster at New York New York.  I was going to do it on my birthday.  I mean...what a flipping awesome way to start out my 52nd year right?!?!!?  Talked about it for days....watched it!  Sent a post cards to my boys telling them I did it.  But....I didn't.  We decided to ride it at night.  Prefect right?!?!?!?  Watched people get off of it and noticed that they did not die.  I chicken out in line.  Flat ass chicken out and bolted.  I have regretted it every day since.  I am the girl with the *So she did* tat....not the so she didn't.  So, I have to go back to Vegas and not die on the roller coaster at New York New York.   I hope that there are pictures cause I am sure going to post them.  Or have Camille post them if I die. *winks*

.....I showed you show me yours....

Thursday, October 09, 2014

Thursday Thankfulness

 I have so very much that I am thankful for but, it's I'll keep this list short.

  1. I am thankful for Camille who still likes to include me in her life and lets me hang out with her and her friends.
  2. I am thankful for Cade and his ability to tease with me.  But, I still will not let him sit on my couch while he is naked.
  3. That both of my kids love to say I love you and tell me every day.
  4. A savings account
  5. A new adventure
  6. Airplanes.  I would not have been a good covered wagon passenger.  Seriously, they would have left me behind with the first armoire.
  7. Doggy doors
  8. Early birthday gifts
  9. 51
  10. October
  11. Creamer
  12. Clean panties
  13. Foam roller core.  OMG...seriously, have you tried one?  You MUST!!
  14. Photos
  15. You
 And so...what about you?  What are the little things that make your heart go aaaahhhhhhh?